Well Noah and I went to the ENT and he confirmed what we already assumed, that his ears are full of fluid and he will need tubes. Within about 45 minutes we had called the cleft surgeon and they had scheduled surgery, we were hoping for the 30th so that Alan would be off from work after the surgery, but looks like the closest date (other than x-mas eve) was January 6. He will have the tubes placed, the palate repair and the lip adhesion at that time. We can plan on being in the hospital 1-2 nights depending on how he is doing, if he is eating etc.
Good news is we have some more time to bond with him before another traumatic event and we can get through the holidays with all 3 kids being healthy and able to enjoy the holidays and each other more.
speaking of the holidays, we are tending to lay low this holiday season. I know some people have asked questions about attachment and why we are so conscious about staying in, keeping things quiet and "promoting bonding" but I wanted to explain what this means a bit for those of you wondering. Noah is bonding with us...but we do not feel he is ATTACHED to us. This will take quite a while, we know this and understand it though it is not always easy. We did this also with Ephram and I know it was very hard for people and difficult to understand sometimes because Ephram was so happy and friendly.
Noah is 2, and in those two years he has been with his biological mother, the various staff/nannies at the orphanage for one year, a foster family for one year, back to the orphanage for a few weeks prior to meeting us. Since meeting us he has been in a hotel in Nanning, flown to Guangzhou and spent a week there with me, then a very long plane ride to his forever home and his forever family.
Noah's entire world has been turned upside down. How does Noah know that we will always be here for him and how does he know that no matter what we will love him and take care of him? He doesnt...Yet. Like Ephram,Noah is also a very happy, very friendly toddler, however he is even older, has been through more and was very attached to his foster family. This is a good thing as shows he can attach to someone but he cant just turn around and attach to someone else that quickly. That trust has to be felt and earned and that is what we are trying to do. He is a happy kid, he is adjusting very well, but we cant even imagine what this little boy has been through. This is why while we may seem "over protective", we are keeping him close to us, keeping routines and keeping things predictable. There is an excellent website out there www.a4everfamily.org that has a ton of wonderful information on attachment both for adoptive families as well as family and friends.
Sorry...tried to keep it brief! Hopefully this can answer some questions some of you may have.
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I think you are right on track. I had to explain the bonding vs attached thing to people too. And some people still don't get it. They want to hold, hug, etc... I finally told my family and friends that he doesn't know who you are and what the appropriate relationship with you is. He will learn, give him time. Some respected it, some didn't. You're doing the right thing by being cautious.
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